by Tamra Portalla (University of Rhode Island)MUSIC ENCOMPASSES THE ENVIRONMENT around the members of the bar; people are dancing and laughing, unconcerned with the workday only hours away. Suddenly an Italian man pulls me into a spiral of movement. We dance, and I am repeatedly twirled around and then drawn closer to engage into a less cyclical motion. American men are not usually comfortable on the dance floor so this was a treat to be able to dance with someone that exuded such bravery and skill. We started to dance and almost immediately he grabbed my arm and placed it on his shoulder. It was at that moment that I realized I was leading our movements. He looked shocked and when he moved my arm he laughed out loud, and while shaking his head he and said “no, no, no”. He stated something in Italian, as his English was minimal, but I knew right away what had happened. We both laughed and I told him I understood. We continued to dance and it was actually nice not to lead.
I usually find myself in the position to help lead someone through a dance because of obvious lack of experience and skill. The confidence displayed by this individual was remarkable because he was assertive enough to move my arm right away. I was mortified by my external need to take control, however very pleased to relinquish that control. I thought about this occurrence as I walked home and laughed out loud at myself. As an American woman that is very independent and assertive, sometimes I find it hard to not to be. I find that gender roles are clearly and explicitly followed in Cagli, and any violation of those societal norms, as I witnessed first hand, are immediately taken care of. I thought to myself, how wonderful it was to not be in control. There is a certain feeling of protection and trust in dancing. Trust that your partner will not drop you on your head or trust that your partner will protect you from banging into the side of the wall or others, are a just a few examples.
I suppose I could write much more about the advantages and disadvantages of a male centered society. I could discuss decision-making, family attitudes and beliefs, or women in the workplace. I could look well beyond the simply act of dancing and relate it to the inner workings of society. However, for now I will just smile and reminisce as I have learned a lesson in humility and perhaps learned that it is not always so wonderful to control everything.
